Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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