I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
