We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
