that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
