I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
