I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
