WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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