you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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