You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
