i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
