Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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