Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
