I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
