yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
