Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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