And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
