the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
