You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
