I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's official drugs can't kill me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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