dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
