Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
