I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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