Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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