Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
