Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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