my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The adults are the big ones right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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