my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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