Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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