this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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