My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
