don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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