Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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