we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
