i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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