OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
