Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
