hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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