you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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