Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hello my rib-scented angel!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
