I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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