He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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