Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
