i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
