the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
