so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
