I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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