Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I want a musical about memes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
