That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
