Me too!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
