Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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