I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
